"it" just moved
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
