Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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