I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
