The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
