i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
