Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
