That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
