Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
