I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
