Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
