long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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