Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
