Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
