I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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