dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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