are you still at the devil's house?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
