dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
