you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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