K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
