"it" just moved
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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