we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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