Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
