Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
