These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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