Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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