She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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