:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
