The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
