Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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