Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
