A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
