my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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