I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
