How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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