i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
