The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
