My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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