new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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