how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
