I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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