so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The power of my boobs compel you
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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