I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
