I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
