Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
