Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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