Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
