How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
