You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
