I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
