Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
