I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
