You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
