don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
