im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
