Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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