Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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