oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
