Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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