We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
